Just  small cheat, about the size of this small and very beloved person. 

Who started wheezing yesterday, a wheeze that turned into a dreadful barking cough, a cough then accompanied by more and more difficult breathing. 

I made the soonest doctor appointment I could, and when he said he didn't think it was a recurrence of the pneumonia but that it sounded like asthma which could be treated with ventolin, I went as fast as my legs could carry me to the pharmacy and bought not only the ventolin but the spacer and the face mask. Take that, zero purchase challenge.

Because if you have the ability and resources to help your baby, you'll obviously always do it. It made me grateful for my silly First World challenge, as if I have the ability to stave off disaster by choosing to cease all consumption. As if by drawing this imaginary (and temporary) line in the sand I'm protected from ever having to cease buying anything by real necessity.

We had a moment tonight when the bag was packed and the big kids were taken sleeping to the car, and we were ready to flee to our nearest hospital because her breathing was so bad it frightened us. 

And then Adam managed to get some of the ventolin in her, and she's sleeping, and breathing peacefully.

What if there was no ventolin? 

What if I had no money to buy it?

What if my baby wasn't breathing properly and there was no petrol in the car to take her to hospital, or no car, or no hospital?

It was a small cheat in the big picture. (We also cheated and bought ourselves one takeaway coffee each this afternoon, after a night of terrible sleep and a day of working, running around, a big scary important meeting and constantly peering anxiously at the baby.)

And we're through day 10. 

Feels longer.

xxx